It MUST be special

When I heard people talk about the ordinariness of awakening, I didn't want to hear it. They said it was nothing special, and completely natural, and so on. I wanted my special awakened state, the glorious enlightenment for ME. I thought it would make me happy to be in a distant and far removed sort of space, and see all the poor suffering seekers, and take pity on them. I always tried to make ordinary Being into a special object. A glimpse of Being would be translated as a special milestone on my path to enlightenment. I figured the moments of clarity would add up to some big fireworks explosion, and people would turn their heads and say "I think that guy just got enlightened." Being ordinary is far easier than being a special enlightened person. I'm not sure how to be an enlightened person, but I'm sure it's quite hard work. I tried it for a while, and I could fool quite a few people. I could be enlightened for you, but I couldn't be an enlightened ME. Trying to be special, for myself, when I'm just alone. There's no one around, and yet I need to make myself into someone. Why be special? Being is enough.