Meetings in Toronto

Meetings are on hiatus right now, as I complete a farm job until October. Internet stuff always available, email at or skype me at michaelthielmann if you want to chat! Facebook name Michael Thielmann.

Last satsang till October

March 12 Meeting

January 29 Meeting

Saturday Jan. 15 Meeting

November 2 Meeting

Email at for a One to One. (skype or phone).

Friday, September 25, 2009

Meaninglessness- Depression or Freedom?

One day I woke up, and realized that my life was totally meaningless, and would never ammount to anything. Not surprisingly, this gave rise to a lot of depression and despair. My antidote to this was to create some meaning in my life to feel better in the short term. Unfortunately, the best meaning I found was to try to do more drugs in order to glaze over the sense of lack and limitation at the centre of my being. As was pointed out later by my first teacher Charlie Hayes, the trouble was that I had made it mean something that my life was meaningless. Furthermore, there was still a belief in "my life" as some sort of seperate thing that needed to be micro-managed and somehow dealt with properly. When distractions and sidetracking myself no longer worked, I began looking more deeply into my experience. Instead of trying to make myself feel better, I just kept staring into myself, and there was a deconstruction of the concepts that seemed so real before. Meaninglessness is actually absolute freedom. There's no longer the sense that things are going anywhere, my life is a sort of resting as what is. There's no reason I woke up today, and there's no reason for anything that gets done in the appearance of the world. What is, is enough, and it means nothing. Paradise is the end of an impossible search, which was never really happening. My life never meant anything, but life itself needs no meaning.


  1. Yes, the "mind" has its own agenda in regards to meaning. To search for meaning in the mind is an execize in futility to the nth power, because the mind creates the idea of meaning, the idea of an unatainable solution, and separation from everything.
    What we are needs no confirmation to be, it simply IS!

  2. True, a lot of energy goes into this meaning thing, which could be available for more practical pursuits. I've sat in a sort of paralysis about trying to make my life mean something, instead of just taking action in the moment.