Monday, September 28, 2009
No way out, no way in
When I started looking into this whole enlightenment business, I felt like a poor man looking for a way into the rich man's house. I saw these people speaking about liberation, and I wanted to join the club. In addition to that, I wanted OUT of my present circumstances. When I phoned my friend Charlie Hayes, he told me something like "you can't get into it, and you can't get out of it." This started to remove the idea of a special state for "me" to dwell in, with all the other enlightened people that I was sure existed. (lol, in retrospect!) It also facilitated the seeing that the state that was presently arising, (thoughts, emotions, or whatever,) was not something to get out of or be rid of. Again and again it was hammered into the brain that the trouble lies in the "me" concept, rather than not being in the correct state of consciousness or having the right circumstances present. In the search, I felt like Houdini, a sort of escape artist with all sorts of tricks up my sleeve. Everytime a pointer tried to hit home, the "me" seemingly built up a safe house for itself, and tried to lock itself in. When good times came, it tried to stay in them and keep the good times rolling. When bad times hit, it tried to run for the hills, and push everything away. It tried to get into "enlightenment" and away from "suffering" both of which were concepts that it seemingly defined for itself. Of course, to speak of this "me" as though it is an entity with self volition is erroneous. The process I described suggest a sort of enemy, the bad "me" who's running from the Truth. Actually, the 'me' is the truth in fancy clothes, parading for itself for its own enjoyment. Since there's no in, and no out, this right here is it. Houdini tried to hide, but he had locked himself up into what he was running from!