Thursday, October 1, 2009
Recognizing the Real, or feeling better for me?
Along the way, so to speak, it felt like being at a crossroads a lot of the 'time': Look deeper into myself, or act out in a selfish way to feel better temporarily. The latter was apparently chosen a lot, which was sort of like using a credit card: benefit now, suffer later. In addition, acting out selfishly to feel better created a sort of momentum, where it got easier to indulge suffering and act to abate it for a while, rather than get quiet and real with who I thought I was kidding. This sounds like a method, but it seems like Grace presented the opportunity at every moment, to either gaze within and see what's what, rather than follow the mind into the road of dead ends. In looking into this moment, the apparent power of the mind is seen for what it is: one thought, arising now. It felt like there was someone listening to the mind, an entity that was apparently enslaved to the stream of thinking and feeling. In looking for this entity, all that is found is thoughts and emotions happening in a vast emptiness. No mind to tell anything what to do, and no one to take orders. No self to need to feel better, just timeless, complete Being.