Why am I me?!

My life was full of why questions, as I've discussed already. The core of this dilemma, is "why am I me, why am I seperate?" That was the question I wanted my parents to answer when I started to experience myself as an entity apart from What IS. Instead of seeing the root of it directly, I settled on asking more roundabout questions, like why is the sky blue, or why does daddy go to work. The answer I was really seeking, was why does it feel like paradise has been lost, in favour of "me being me." The concept of a seperate self seemed to become more apparent in experience, and I soon found myself in more complex versions of "why." The content doesn't matter, the root of it was always the same. Waking up in the morning sometimes had a terrible desperation about it, as if to say "Why am I still me?!" The experiential seperation was always the motivator for my actions, and all the actions were about making me feel better. The honest answer I could give anyone about why I did anything, was that "I want to feel good, and who cares about anything else?"

After meeting those who pointed clearly and directly, the whole dilemma of "why me" started to be investigated. There's no one that would benefit from the answering of another question, even the most profound spiritualized inquiry of "why is this so?" There's no 'me' to ask why, and no 'me' to obtain any benefit from the answer. Looking directly, there is simply wholeness, with none of the problems attributed to an imagined self. Of course, I also asked "why bother even looking into this?" A good answer might have been "why bother enduring needless suffering?" If there's suffering, it might as well be investigated, until the suffer-er is seen to be another dreamlike appearance. As one friend said: "Why? Because."