A paradox for WHO?

One thing that seems to happen in the search is indulging in the mind's tendencies to try to get to a "safe side" of the nonduality coin. Charlie pointed out to me that there is a paradox in this, and that the paradox can dissolve, but never be re-solved. Really, the crux of the paradox is the notion that there's a self that needs to get to the bottom of something. It's MY important thoughts about what all this stuff is talking about, and it's ME that has to do something to get it right.

The end of seeking is not about coming to a mental interpretation and sticking with it. It's about seeing that I am THAT in which all the mental stuff happens in the first place, including the notion of being a mind-bound self. In seeing this, there is no-one to attach any parodox to, so the issue is moot. See that what you are is simple and without any need of thought whatsoever, even the important "nondual" thoughts. (An oxymoron if there ever was one!) You are singular. Thought cannot divide what you are.

Resistance is Futile!

The Borg from Startrek were right after all. I thought I was pretty clever by resisting the simplicity of this. I thought I knew better than those that spoke from direct experience, as I hid cowering in my concepts. I was wrong. All I was good at was perpetuating needless suffering, all the while claiming that "I" was some righteous special person who was ahead of the game. Where did all this resistance happen in? Empty, blank awareness. What did the resistance accomplish? Nothing, it just came and went in awake space. Who was the resist-er? There wasn't one, just thoughts happening. Where's the resistance now? If you look, you won't even find it. There isn't even any resistance. That to is the loving awareness, pretending to fight itself. No escape, my friend, I hope "you" die before the end of this word.

Still here? Then keep looking into it, and see that what you are is deathless divinity itself.

"I'm me"- Fact or Fiction?

As we grow up, the concept of the self becomes seemingly more and more ingrained. Charlie Hayes summarized this idea with me by the simple loop of "I'm me, because I'm me." When he went to the root of the issue in this way, it seemed like a real threat, because of the contents of that loop that I had taken as important and real. It seemed important to see that this whole self-centred loop is a total fiction, otherwise we fall into the trap of "cherishing the illusion." As a kid, I so often wanted the stories I read to be real, but I never believed they actually were. The story of "me", on the other hand, I took to be so real and so important that it took some real honest, diligent looking to disprove it to myself.

If the whole thing is seen as a fiction right now, what's the problem in any of it? Look and see that you are the True, and the false will be seen for what it is. Everyone knows the difference between fact and fiction, but a lot of people are caught up in the make-believe of me-ing. Discern for yourself that what you are is changeless, real, and in no need of embellishments in stories. Use the deep sleep litmus test: It ain't real if it's gone in deep sleep. You are there in deep sleep, but not as any-thing. What you are in waking is the same, only now there are apparent "things" to identify with. Leave them all alone, you are the ever present behind-ness to the changing world.

"I" as opposed to what?

The mind would love to say "I am enlightened." The big prize seems so grand and noble. The only question there is for the self-proclaimed guru or enlightened master, is "who is enlightened, as opposed to what 'other?' In our game of awakening, we hear such grand stories. None of them are real, only YOU ARE. Why bother being enlightened, when what you really are is beyond all these silly concepts anyway? In saying beyond, it doesn't mean "better than." It's simply a pointing to the unmoving, unchanging awareness that we all are, in equanimity. There's no competition here, because there's nothing to compete with. No one to threaten, nothing to overcome, no victim and no perpetrator. There's no need for games or false claims. Just look as always, maybe close your eyes and stare deeply within what you've taken yourself to be, and see the unchanging-ness that you are, whether you do this exercise or not. Why not do a practice, if you're still seeking? It's better than sitting in needless suffering. Practice noticing that the idea of a practicer comes and goes in what you are- and see how much practice it takes to be what is already established and effortless. Who cares about nonduality, what you are is already beyond.

Look and see, get creative, experiment. Don't sit in suffering, just keep at it if there's still a search on. Settle for nothing less than the fullness of what you innately are, take this on board as your own thing, forget me, forget every sage that ever walked. You're the only one here, get used to your Self.

Band-Aid Spirituality

If you're anything like me, you have probably spent time looking to make your life work, improve it, become happier, or whatever. Our spiritual ideas seem to offer this to us, and they seem so much loftier and far beyond the petty imaginings of mere mortals with thier cars, relationships, and world of instant gratification.

Looking more closely, we can see that our attempts at 'spirituality' are basically the same as our 'materialistic' attempts- I want to feel good, right now. I tried to meditate my pain away, attempted to chant myself into oblivion, and to pray my problems into solutions. I sought different masters with different ideas, pursued various philosophies, and changed my mind about all the 'important' spiritual issues over and over.

All of this was like trying to put a band-aid on a bottomless pit. Instant gratification moved into a new sort of realm, and my seeking continued. The trouble was, as always, a sort of compromising on my part, and a reluctance to get down and dirty with who I really was, and who I was really pretending to be. A short-lived meditation high comes and goes, but what I really am never has, and never will. I had to stop compromising what I really am, and stop chasing fleeting experiences, even if they are filled with bliss, spiritual fireworks, and awe from friends. Just looking right now, I see that I am the space in which things arise. The awareness behind the content, arising as the content. If you have a look, you'll see the same is true for you. Time to take off the band-aid, the blinders, and stop with the bullshit; no more seeking, just the Seeing.

Inquiry- Who would even start?

Self inquiry seems to be a popular idea, which was apparently started by Ramana Maharshi in the form of asking the question "Who am I?" The whole notion of this idea is that by asking this question, it will faciliate liberation, enlightenment, or whatever. At least, that was the notion that I had when it was suggested to ask and look into this question. The main "trap" that happened was, of course, a perversion in thought. The idea was that if I did enough self inquiry, that I would become free, or enlightened. This gave rise to a sort of superficial inquiry, where there was an assumed "I" doing an assumed inquiry, on a very mental level.

The real meat of this is of course to examine the pre-concieved notions of the "I" concept, not to give that assumed person some task to do, along a path. Who is there right now to even begin the inquiry? If we see that we are already this oneness or consciousness, then what is there to be seperate and in need of the inquiry? See that even the inquiry takes place in what you are. Look deeper into this, and expose the root of the whole production. If we see that we are already the stillness in which it all happens, then the inquiry is seen as just another passing phenomenon. Who would start the inquiry, and who would be there when it's over? All just appearance- see things for what they are, and know that you are the see-ing.

What's going to work?

From a young age, we're taught to try to make our lives work. When we begin to see that it's not working, maybe we stumble across someone claiming to know how to make it work better. After we try X, Y, and Z we may come across some "deep" spiritual tradition, or whatever the mind calls it. From my own experience, I thought of nonduality as the ultimate "thing" that would make my life work. I was given the pointer "Who am I?" from Charlie Hayes, and "I" figured that was the answer. The trouble was, there wasn't yet a real looking into the "I" notion that the question "Who am I?" is meant to root out.

Different teachers seem to suggest various methods, non-methods, or claim there is no method or whatever. The real question is, who is hearing these teachers, who is deliberating between what may or may not work? It's a simple matter of getting down to business, and bypassing the needless garbage of conceptual running around. Nothing's going to work, because what we are is ALREADY in perfect working order. It's just a matter of seeing that this is already the life we always wanted, except we don't get to have it. There's no "we" to have it or not. There is only THAT.