As a seeker, it felt like I was pretty much upright and dead a lot of the time. And if not that, then I was looking for bursts of pleasure from the outside, including pleasure derived from spiritual activities.
I was fully interested in the seeking game, because I was quite sure there was something on offer, at the end of a process. What I didn't pay attention to was the aliveness of presence that is here and now, fully awake and prior to seeking.
It's all a matter of perspective and emphasis. I put a lot of stock in 'my' thoughts, because it seemed like there was happiness to be found at the end of my imaginary road.
What's here now- this being of aliveness- isn't seeking anything, because it's already everything. Who am I in relation to That? There is no relation- only That I Am.