Who would choose to suffer?

Basically, the only reason I got into this nonduality thing was because I wanted to stop suffering. The things I had tried previously gave some relief from suffering: drugs, religion, therapy, and so on. Relief was experienced by an imagined entity, who seemed to need to work hard at keeping the suffering at bay. It seemed like even when these things were working well, there's was a storm cloud of personal suffering, just waiting to strike when my anesthesizing methods wore thin. Of course, what none of these things never got to the root of was the notion of a "me" who could suffer, and who seemed to be choosing to do all these various things. If I were this entity with so much power, control, and personal will, why would I choose to suffer so much, sometimes for no "external" reason? Jeff Foster speaks about how suffering IS the sufferer. I didn't want to let go of identity, so suffering seemed to be acceptable, as long as I could be a "someone." Charlie Hayes pointed out a sort of indulgence or payoff in suffering, which really struck home. The addiction to this misery is the epitome of insanity. Who would choose such a thing for him or herself? It came to the point where I would rather die than suffer anymore. Fortunately, the thing that thought it was born and could die was a total illusion, even calling it a "thing" is far too much substance. JD Hazlewood discusses the invalidity of this "I" notion, and undermines the suffering apparently generated from this conceptual spider web. Suffering is what started the apparent search, and a desire to stop suffering is what fueled it. When competent pointing was come across, the potency was always in throwing the looking back into the concepts, and revealing the absence of the suffering, defective "person." Who would choose to suffer? No one. Who's suffering right now? Check and see, if the suffer-er is found, email a detailed mug shot of it.