The Dilemma of "Me"

Since about the age of 5, I remember experiencing myself as a limited, defective person with problems. More and more, I experienced the effects of time, and lived in a world of anticipation, dissapointment, hope, and fear. I took myself to be an entity who was limited by this body, a thinker of thoughts, a doer of deeds, and a fear-er of fears. As my ideas about who I am grew, the ways in which I dealt with my problematic identity also began to expand. I tried to get rid of myself by escaping into fantasy worlds, through relationships, and using drugs.

It seemed like there was always a problem, in one sense or another. Like the game "Whack-a-Mole," as soon as I had dealt with one problem, the next one popped up to be struggled with. Usually, the problem was projected onto a particular circumstance, person, or object. Later on, there was a realization that "I am a problem for myself." There was a seeing that who I took myself to be, was a problem for itself. This was around the time I began investigated more introspective, or spiritual methods for dealing with my dilemma.

I finally met a man called Charlie Hayes who pointed directly to the idea of a central "me" to be the cause of all this anguish. He also pointed out my true nature of Being, which is inherently free of concepts, problems, doubts, and so on. The dilemma was clearly exposed to be the "me" itself, rather than all the secondary issues I was trying to correct before. I spoke with Charlie and others like Tony Parsons, John Wheeler, John Greven, Annette Nibley, as well as a great therapist who is intersted in this as well The whole knot of "me" began to unravel and be seen for what it is, and the real nature of existance became apparent.