Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Fear and lack
As a "me", the general condition could be summarized as a state of fear, as I am always vulnerable and at the mercy of my larger, and seperate environment. Essentially, I could die at any moment, and so I am afraid for my very survival. As my identity becomes more complex, the fear of physical survival may also become a fear that is mental or emotional in nature- I need to protect my viewpoints, ideas, and beliefs about myself and how I see things. More subtly, there is a "feeling-sense" of myself in the body, that is taken to be a vulnerable centre, the thing to which things happen. This creates a very convincing illusion that there is an entity "in here" that has distinct and seperate properties from its environment, and is continually threatened by some "other." When I am not experiencing myself as afraid of something, I often focus on what I am missing. It feels as though there is a deep, dark, unfillable hole in the centre of myself, which I need to do something about. I attempt to take things from the outside, and put them into this hole, so that I may feel better for a moment. This sense persists, regardless of what I attempt to do about it. Upon investigating this whole mechanism or way of being, it begins to fall apart. Things are seen as they really are: thoughts moving, patterns of energy or emotions moving, and no central entity to whom they belong. Fear and lack do not apply, if there is no one home.