Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Relief for me, or relief FROM me?
In seeking, the main goal or aim is to feel relief from suffering. If I take myself to be this small, defective character then there is usually suffering, interspaced with small bits of Ok-ness or relief from suffering. The relief comes from getting something I wanted, or being free of something I didn't want. The strange thing is, that in looking deeper at these moments of being OK, the self isn't there. For a moment, the movement of self subsided, and there was a feeling of wholeness or being OK. Once the self-momentum begins again, there is an obsession with a particular experience to recreate the feeling of relief. The irony is, is that the self that wanted relief isn't actually there, and relief can only come in seeing through the false self, or in having it subside for a moment. The cycle is maintained when the self is taken to be real. A little investigation into the nature of this self reveals its ephemeral nature. The relief that is felt, doesn't belong to anyone, as there wasn't really anyone there to begin with. When the trouble maker is seen to be a ghost, the haunting is over.